chatti5643

I'd just like to say my brother rocks. And any professor thinking otherwise is a complete and other buffoon.

How's that for blogging under the influence? Freedom of expression! Power to the pundits!

LOL :)

Hey,what's the big idea?
Yo, Mika!
I said sucking too hard on your lollipop
Oh, love's gonna get you down
I said sucking too hard on your lollipop
Oh, love's gonna get you down
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Love's gonna get you down
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Love's gonna get you down
Say love, say love
Love's gonna get you down
Say love, say love
Love's gonna get you down.

I went walking with my mama one day
When she warned me what people say
Live your life until love is found
'Cause love's gonna get you down.
Take a look at the girl next door
She's a player and a downright bore
Jesus loves her but she wants more
Oh, bad girls get you down.

Sing it!
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Oh, love's gonna get you down
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Oh, love's gonna get you down
Say love, say love
Oh, love's gonna get you down.
Say love, say love
Oh, love's gonna get you down.

Mama told me what I should know
Too much candys gonna rot your soul
If she loves you let her go
'Cause love only gets you down.
Take a look at a boy like me
Never stood on my own two feet
Now I'm blue as I can be
Oh, love only got me down.

Sing it!
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Oh, love's gonna get you down
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Oh, love's gonna get you down
Say love, say love
Oh love's gonna get you down
Say love, say love
Oh love's gonna get you down.

I was walking with my mama one day
When she warned me what people say
Live your life until love is found
Or love's gonna get you down.

Sing it!
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Love's gonna get you down
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
Oh, love's gonna get you down
Say love, say love
Oh, love's gonna get you down
Say love, say love
Oh, love's gonna get you down.

Mama told me what I should know
Too much candys gonna rot your soul
If she loves you let her go
'Cause love only gets you down.

Waa-oh waa-oh waa-oh lollipop
Waa-oh waa-oh waa-oh lollipop
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
oh love's gonna get you down
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
oh love's gonna get you down
[REPEAT TILL END OF SONG]

Generally, talking on the phone is preferred... But I know some people are uncomfortable with that, so they prefer to text. For me, texting is like a quick and easy way to relay a message and should not be used for extensive conversations. I'm also a big fan of sarcasm and witty comments and find that it's not always interpreted as it should be when in the form of a text. I think there's no better way to express yourself than through your voice-- the tone, inflection.. It's what makes us unique and fun.

Pretty Woman
Armaggeddon
Independence Day
Home Alone
Corrina, Corrina

Abuelita (Grandmother) Renee died last night/this morning...

RIP Renee Chapelliquen

I'm just numb.

I was happy...really happy... until 10 minutes ago.



Why? You ask?



Let me tell you why.


A VERY good friend of mine is going out with an ex-boyfriend of mine.


This "VERY good friend" ("" used because I no longer know wtf she is) has fallen off the face of this earth.

This ex-boyfriend of mine and I HAD been on decent terms.


And now HE'S fallen off the face of this earth as well.








BUT NO BODY TOLD ME THAT THEY WERE GOING OUT!!!!







and although i really don't have feelings for him anymore, and i really do wish them both all the happiness in the world, i wish i had known. or at least that i could know HOW LONG this has been going on for...and if SHE was the person HE was CHEATING on me with...because then THAT would truly, truly suck.

Boy calls girl. Girl is out with friends, tells him she'll call him back later. He says OK, great.

Girl calls boy. Girl asks how boy is doing, how he's been (she hasn't talked to him in a couple days now)... boy says,"I've been OK. Busy and tired, but nothing new. Listen, I don't think this is going to work out."

WTF. Where did that even come from? But wait. There's more.

Girl: OK...what?

Boy: Well, I just, I guess you're not what I expected...or what I was looking for.

Girl: Well what did you expect?

Boy: Someone to take control and be aggressive and assertive. Someone to take the lead and push me.

Girl: And I was not?

Boy: You were just too nice, too respectful of what I had to say. Everytime I said I wanted to do something you were very acommodating, always looking for that middle ground.

Girl: And you didn't like that?

Boy: No, not really.

Girl: OK...

And that, boys and girls, is CRAP. How can someone be too nice? I have no clue. But I definitely have my bitch moments...I just refrained from going all out. I liked him enough that I was willing to control what I had to say to work with him. Oh but wait:

Boy: Don't worry Steph, you're going to make someone very happy some day.

Thanks. Thanks so very fucking much.

OK. Here's your classic story.

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy and girl hang out on several occasions. Girl is completely and utterly direct and to the point. Boy is so unclear that...well...he's just unclear, damn it! Girl has no clue wtf boy is thinking...if he likes her (which he says he does), if he's just "having a good time", or anything! Girl is lost. She KNOWS that she likes this boy, but oddly enough, she has no clue what she likes about him! How does that make any sense??? This is quite possibly one of the most illogical thoughts ever, and yet, here we are (or rather, here I am) rambling on and on about this stupid boy.

Stupid boy. That is complicating everything. Only because stupid girl likes him. (See! Now I'm resorting to self-degradation! Totally unlike me!)

Rah. I just want to be moving on with my life in a happy and normal fashion. There- is that too much to ask?



*sigh*

Apparently so.

MASH (for old time sake)
Created by gntodorovich and taken 385458 times on Bzoink
Name
Number of siblings
First word that comes to mind
Pick a number, any number
You will live in a(n)	Apartment
You will marry	First crush
You will have this many kids	4
You will live here	Europe
You will be a(n)	Doctor
Create a Quizlet | Search Quizlets | Go to Bzoink

Perhaps there is some truth to all this nonsense.

I know I haven't posted a true update in a while, but I stumbled across this as I was looking for my resume... I may have posted it before, but I don't remember.

Masks, Views, and Bias: The Story of a Girl

The instructor said,
Go home and write
A page tonight.
And let that page come out of you-
Then, it will be true.

What can be said about a girl
Whose mind is often read?
Or perhaps my mind is not read-
But rather, heard.
Speak your mind,
True to its thoughts,
True to its feelings-

Never true to self.

Supposedly, I have an
“attitude problem”.
Tell that to those who love me.
Tell that to those who care.

I am a person of my own.
Experienced in some ways of life.
Some, more than others, affected me
In different ways,
But each had a point to make-
Each had something to teach.

Speaking, writing of myself
Is an assignment you couldn’t understand.
Is this not a biased view?
In my defense and offense,
I notice my wrongs.
I notice my strengths.
As much as you might gain from me
You only see one view.

Critical, stubborn, self-conscious;
A few thoughts running through my head.
Hurt, wounded, stuck;
Memories coming back.
Happy, excited, outgoing;
A mask for all occasions.

The face you see before you
Is one of makeup-
True in the physical aspect and content.
True in the spiritual and intellectual.
Before going out, my friends will hear,
“I need to put my face on”
“My face isn’t ready yet”
I’m not ready yet.

My mind is not at your level.
Many ideas zooming by.
Thoughts of the
Past,
Present, and
Future, all that troubles me.
Rarely is it that I worry-
I think,
I reassure, and
I continue, for if I didn’t, I’d be like all the rest.

I am unique,
Although at times indifferent,
Never ignorant.
Whoever said, “Ignorance is bliss”
Was never on the
Receiving end.
For when insulted, you will see
The strong hurt, but surviving.

I am a survivor,
I am a leader.
I try, I struggle.
But in the end,
I am victorious.
I need no medal, no plaque-
No proof is necessary.
For, in me, the reward is plentiful.
Character, full and
Free.


It's interesting... I wrote that senior year for Mrs. Duin's English AP class... She thought it was so honest and good that I should use it as my personal statement for my college apps...so I did.

Now, three years later, I am still that same person. And it's weird looking back, because I was so straightforward, whereas now I just beat around the bush. I don't know why that is. But it bothers me. I like that girl better. Still me, right? *sigh* I can only hope that I can revert to that.

Who knows, maybe I'll just resubmit it for my grad school apps.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage.
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.  (My brother... and Rick...)	× I don't watch much TV these days.  (But I wish I did)	✓ I own lots of books.  (I just have to finish reading them)
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (Both)	✓ I love to play video games.  (Only with my brother)	✓ I've tried marijuana.  (Not all that's cracked up to be)
✓ I've watched porn movies.  (Still don't get it)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.  (read all the time)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (But that's been the case since college started)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on... )

If you get more than 30 you're paranoid.

I fear...

[x] the dark
[x]staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ]heights
[ ] cats
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ]spiders and/or other insects
[sometimes?] driving or being in cars
[ ] flying
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] the ocean
[big time] failure
[ ] success
[ ] germs
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] mice/rats
[ ]jumping from high places, leg breaking places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] cotton balls
[ ] cemeteries
[ ]scared of clowns
[ ] large crowds
[when on a bus and you can feel the bridge moving beneath you] crossing bridges
[in then sense of not getting to do everything I have on my list]death
[ ] Heaven
[ ] being robbed/raped
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibility
[ ] doctors including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] diseases
[ ] snakes
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] poverty
[ ] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[HUGE if you know me] being blind
[ ] being deaf
[ ] growing up
[ ] monsters under my bed
[ ] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[big time] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood

TOTAL: 9

1. Are you wearing a necklace?
not right now, but I was about to put it on

2. Does your computer have a mouse?
nope

3. Crush?
yes

4. What color is your shirt?
I'm wearing a dress; tis red

5. How many bedrooms do you have in your house?
3

6. What song are you listening to?
none

7. What was the last mall you've been to?
Willowbrook

8. Are you alone?
nope

9. Do you have any older siblings??
nope

10. What is the last thing you ate?
An apple with lime juice, cereal with milk, and my vitamins :)

11. Who was the last person to come over to your house?
Rick

12. Who was the last person to call you?
Sara

13. Who was the last person who texted you?
Sara

14. What should you be doing?
Research

15. Who is the last person you IMed?
Meg or Krista

16. Did you go out to eat yesterday?
no, but we got Chinese as take out

17. What are you thinking right now?
BELIZE

18. What color are your pants?
I told you, it's a dress and it's red

19. What color is your keyboard?
black

20. What do you feel like eating/drinking?
Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a hard roll mmmm

21. Are you in college?
Yes

22. What is the last phrase you wrote?
Miss you

23. Are you bored?
Never

24. How many teeth do you have?
I never really stopped to count

25. Do you wear glasses?
yup

26. What color are your shoes?
My flip flops right now are yellow

27. Last thing you drank?
Water, apple/lime juice, milk

29. What are you doing right now?
this

30. What are the last words you said?
Thanks

31. Do you have clothes on?
DRESS

32. Best part about today?
Not doing research

33. If you could be anywhere right now where woud it be?
Far far away

34. Do you like llamas?
LOVE THEM

35. Do you have a cut on your pointer finger?
no

36. Where is your cell phone?
To my left

37. Do you have any friends named Robbie?
PLENTY

38. Do you have any friends named Jessica?
yes

39. Do you have any friends named Mary?
I know of people named Mary, but I don't consider them my friends

40. What were you doing last night?
Working, passing out, showering, eating, and watching movies with Rick

Level 1
(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
(x) done drugs
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank alcohol

TOTAL: 4


Level 2
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight

TOTAL: 2


Level 3
( ) snuck out of a parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) gone out on a blind date

TOTAL: 3


Level 4
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
(x) slept with a co-worker
(x) seen someone/something die

TOTAL: 5


Level 5
(x) had/have a crush on one of ur Myspace friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up from drinking

TOTAL: 2


Level 6
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been skiing
(x) been in a mosh pitt

TOTAL: 2

Level 7
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love someone right now.
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel

TOTAL: 4


Level 8
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up

TOTAL: 5


Level 9
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

TOTAL: 5


level 10
( ) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake

TOTAL: 3


Level 11
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed/vandalized
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer

TOTAL: 3


Level 12
(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car/motorcycle accident

TOTAL: 3


Level 13
( ) had/have braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight

TOTAL: 3


Level 14
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes

TOTAL: 4


Level 15
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like you were dying

TOTAL: 4


Level 16
(x)cried your self to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins

TOTAL: 5


Level 17
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x)watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire

TOTAL: 5


Level 19
(x) crashed a party
(x) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey

TOTAL: 4


Level 20
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed "penis".
( ) ate dog food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them

TOTAL: 3

Level 21
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have/had a little black dress
(x) had sex in the woods
( ) had sex in a park
(x) had sex in a car
( ) had sex in your parents room.

TOTAL: 4

Level 22
( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(x) Sat on a roof top

TOTAL: 2


Level 23
( ) had sex at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night

TOTAL: 3

Level 24
(x) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had/been in a tree house
(x)scared to watch scary movies

TOTAL: 4


Level 25
(x) believed/belive in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) gone streaking
( ) been in jail

TOTAL: 1


Level 26
( ) played chicken
( ) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused

TOTAL: 3

Level 27
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made a porn video
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed

TOTAL: 4


Level 28
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( )been kicked out of your house

TOTAL: 5


Level 30
(x) Rode a roller coaster
(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(x) had a cavity
(x) Black-mailed someone
( ) been black mailed

TOTAL: 4

Level 31
(x) Been used
( ) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat
(x) bitten someone

TOTAL: 2

GRAND TOTAL: 98 out of 150... I feel like I still have a ways to go.

1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours

You know it's interesting how much can change in just a short while...

Recently, I've been seeing a doctor of physical therapy for my back pain. It's almost like he's performed miracles and healed me. Well, actually, he's helped me manage my pain, which is great.

The man is beautiful- he's tall, dark, and handsome. Smart...funny. He teaches me so much each time I go, and he has confidence in me. It's an amazing feeling. He makes me laugh with his awful drawings...

It's odd. I've never been the type of girl to have confidence in herself...I've never thought myself to be beautiful or pretty or cute or anything. And y'know what, to be honest with you, that's been OK with me. I've just been average, and OK with that. Since he started treating me, I've had like this renewed confidence and drive for more. I wanted to not only be pretty, but gorgeous, worthy- one could almost say, of having a guy as phenomenal as him by my side.

I've been working out like a maniac. It's been good- it's a great way of releasing stress, which heaven knows I have tons of, and it helps me lose some weight. Hours after hours are spent working out... and I love it. My back hurts a little, but I try to push it out of my system.

Thing is, I'm totally falling for this guy.

It's weird- I generally can't flirt with guys I'm interested in. I get scared and nervous about what they might think. I worry, and then it all goes downhill from there. Yet, with him things are different. I flirt- he responds with his own flirtatious line. And so the game is played.

Lately however, things have been different. Tuesday I was in a lot of pain and he had to do a whole bunch of work to get the pain out. We flirted a lot, and things seemed good. Yesterday my dad met him (he just started PT for his back pain) and apparently my dad is worse off than me. He liked him though. And the doc talked about me to him, high praise...

Today, I got in, and I don't know. Things felt odd...and not with him, but with me. I felt awful. All of a sudden, I get this pain shooting down my leg. I have no clue what to think. He notices and we get to work on it...Then I don't know what happened. He was explaining that I would probably continue to have a less prominent amount of pain, but that it would eventually scar over and I would be better than ever. However, that would take time, and I have to be patient.

Me. Patient...that's funny.

He asked me about what I would prefer, coming once or twice a week. It's possible that the nerve just needs to accommodate itself at this point. He could show me some strengthening techniques...I honestly don't think I was quite paying attention at that point anymore.

The fact that he said that it would take time, after all the effort we had put in, and that I would still have pain, to some extent...it's awful. I can't even explain... Whenever i go in there I'm usually so chipper, so excited, to see him, so know I'll get better. And today, I left in tears. He didn't see, but I'm sure he could tell they were coming. I was just different today. He told me that if I ever needed anything I could always call and that he would be more than willing to come early or stay late with me because for me there was a reason... but he didn't say what that reason was... As I was leaving to make my appointments, he followed me to the receptionist... saying stuff like don't worry, things will be fine...but they didn't feel like they would be. And I told him that. He told me I should go away for a while. Just leave for like a long weekend or something. When!? And do what!?

I hate feeling like this. Always. It's like I'm never happy with anything. He called me baby, something I generally am not fond of when it comes from a guy I'm interested in, and yet I didn't care. He said it in like a protector sense...*sigh* I just want to be happy. I want him to kiss me and hold me and love me...just him and me, together... no pain.

I enjoy working, I love it. I yearn for it. After he was looking over my calendar for when I could go away, I pointed out that I was excited for my friend coming over and going for a hike, and the AIDS walk on Sunday, and so on and so forth... and then I realized, not only does he probably not care, but I'm lame. Listen to yourself. You're 20-fucking-years old, and this is what you look forward to. You don't go out to clubs or drink or do drugs...it seems almost as though there's something wrong with you. With me.

He said I wasn't lame...but I told him it was OK, I had accepted it, it would be OK if he admitted it as well. He said bye, and went to treat other patients...but then as I was scheduling the appointments, he came over again. Bumped into my shoulder and told me everything would be OK. I told him I didn't think so, and to have a nice weekend. I'm such a sap. He told me to also... I just...I feel so stupid...

And it doesn't even seem to matter.

I just spent the better part of an hour working on some stupid survey to pass the time.

Then, when I went to copy and paste it into LJ, it refused to go. So I just killed an hour and have nothing to show for it. How stellar.

Note to self, I'm going to have write a decent update at some point. Soon.